Dealing with "You Should" Sheila

We've all been there.  You think about getting a workout buddy, so you ask your super-motivated friend/coworker/relative.  Or worse, you start a workout on your own, but you make the mistake of mentioning how you've started working out to that friend/coworker/relative that's already started losing weight.  It's like a natural reflex.  One person finds something that works for them, and suddenly they become the weight loss expert.  Casual conversation becomes a lecture about what you need to do.  That well-meaning friend/coworker/relative has become "You Should" Sheila.

    Victor Frankl, a renound psychiatrist, once said, "The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances."  When someone tells us what we should be doing, it often sends us into a defensive mode.  Take the example of Karen and her mother-in-law Sheila.  Sheila had lost 50 pounds, and Karen was slowly gaining weight due to stress and anxiety.  Well-meaning Sheila gave Karen random pieces of advice on how she could share in the weight loss success.  With each piece of advice, Karen's anger rose, and her attitude became, "Who are you to tell me what to do?"  It may be hard, but unwanted advice doesn't have to raise stress levels.  Here are some tips to keep the stress low when the advice is high.

    The first step is to consider what place the advice is coming from.  It's easier to stay calm about unwanted advice when it's coming from a positive place.  When Sheila suggested Karen needed to get a pedometer, Karen became frustrated.  Where Karen's frustration was stemming from was she felt that Sheila's suggestion was a way for her to get attention and praise rather than a genuine, helpful suggestion.

    The next point of frustration for Karen is that she doesn't want her mother-in-law's advice.  She's not interested in getting weight loss tips from someone she doesn't feel she has much in common.  There has to be a polite way to make "You Should" Sheila shut up.

    Karen thanked Sheila for her suggestions, and she said she would think about her recommendations.  Then, Karen researched her own ideas for a workout plan.  She consulted her doctor, and together they came up with a fitness plan and diet that worked for her.  Sometimes, the best way to deal with "You Should" Sheila is to let her talk, and then let it go.