Another bikini pre season is upon us. This year I thought it might be fun to get in the spirit by decorating for it. I'm thinking along with the baskets of Easter eggs and window clings of cute pastel bunnies and chicks, I could hang colorful diet plan posters and fill our living space with stability balls and resistance bands in festive spring colors. Instead of our annual egg hunt this year I thought it might be fun to poke around in our couch cushions and the like for carb blocker kits and green tea enemas.
By all other accounts I'm a rational intelligent woman. In every other area of my life I can mark each passing year with a satisfied reflection of my achievements and a deeper sense of maturity. Then that first warmish day comes in February, and it all falls apart. I start slavishly preparing for those two or three days I will spend at a public beach exposed and vulnerable in swimwear. And I know I'm not the only one. The million, billion, gazillion dollar weight-loss industry can not be fueled on my insecurities alone. I know there are others out there feverishly dry brushing cellulite and telling yourself you like the taste of lemon juice, maple syrup and hot sauce all served in the same glass.
In my more rational moments, that is when I'm not completely exhausted by the effort of trying to drink my entire body weight in water, I've tried to figure out what drives me this way. Is it because I haven't reached my full potential career wise yet? Is it a simple manifestation of my fears of growing older without achieving everything I'd hoped to? Is my sense of value tied way too tightly in with the way that I look? I don't know. Due to restricting carbs I lack the ability to concentrate long enough to draw conclusions.
So, whats the point of this article? Have I re discovered some ancient formula for weight loss that will cleave off 20 pounds overnight? Do I have some magical formula for self esteem that will make dieting obsolete? Am I going to take on the media, the weight-loss industry and all those fat old bald guys who only seem to be able to see women if they are clad in mini skirts and less then half of their age? NOPE. I wish I could. I'd love to make the world a better place. The thing is; it's really hard to get those fat old guys attention now that I'm past thirty, and to take on the media I'd probably have to appear on TV and I'd need to loose at least 20 pounds to do that.
The point is. Dieting sucks. And I know, that we all know, that on some level, what we put ourselves through is pure crap. And we all know that we will soldier on with it anyway. So here it is. I'm offering solidarity, and the chance to step back a bit and laugh at this whole thing. While you're with me, you can step off the scales, put down that ridiculous shake weight and pull up a chair. I'm down here in the trenches with you battling my own bulge so I know exactly what you're going through. I'll take you through what's been good to me, and what's gone terribly wrong. I hope I can save you some time and money and while I'm at it I hope we can have a laugh.
Now please take a moment to browse through my very own weight loss catalog. These are the new products I've come up with to help get us through this years pre bikini season. All of these products are borne from my very own neurosis and presented to you with love.
All the best this season,
RACH
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